Babcia Knows Best

My grandma (babcia) and I have always been close.  She spent much of my life raising my younger sister and me.  While I love the woman dearly, she has always had an overwhelming personality.  Over the years, that personality was tempered by the many tasks she performed in her jobs as a seamstress (she worked from home), housewife, mother, and grandmother.  Frankly, I think she's indestructible if not, in fact, immortal.  

GM with one of her two great-grandaughters.

But as my grandmother's 85th birthday nears, she is no longer able to perform her many personality-tempering roles and tasks.  She is still able to talk, however, and spends much of her day correcting, editing, chastizing, warning, reprimanding, suggesting, advising, and generally telling the world what is wrong with it.  She hasn't seen me in a year and a half and is now doggedly making up for lost time.  I've been back for barely three days and have learned many a valuable lesson already:

Butter Emergency: 

GM: We're out of butter.  Go to the store to buy butter NOW.  

PD:  Can I first have coffee, change out of my pajamas and wash my hair?  

GM:  You don't need to wash your hair.  

PD:  I do, my scalp itches.  

GM:  Scratch it and go.

PD remains calm:  We obviously have different priorities.

Jet Lag: 

GM:  Why do you sleep so late?  Get up.  

PD:  I'm jet lagged grandma, and need to get used to the time.  

GM:  Stop talking nonsense.

PD explains: Jet lag means that with the time difference and all, I... ahh, forget it. 

Hair: 

GM:  Why are your bangs so short?  They're too short.  I don't like it.  

PD:  I like 'em grandma.  They're short on purpose.  

GM:  You don't know what looks good.

PD admits defeat:  Clearly.

Clothes: 

GM: You're wearing that?  Don't wear it.  

PD:  I like it, grandma.  It's comfortable.  

GM:  It doesn't look good on you.  Change.

PD draws the line:  No.

Weight: 

GM: You need to lose weight.  

PD:  You know how it is, grandma, sometimes I gain weight and sometimes I lose weight.

GM:  When have you ever lost any weight? 

PD goes on an offensive: How long have you been experiencing memory loss?

Moral:

GM:  Why are you so lazy?  No wonder you've never had kids.  You can't be lazy and have kids.  God obviously knew this and that's why you have no children.  Stop being lazy.

PD loses it:  Jesus, grandma, really?!  Get a grip!

I'm here for 30 more days...